The following is a lightly edited entry from my morning journaling.
First a context note: I’m taking a partial sabbatical from teaching this year. And I’ve shut down the paid-for part of my community, which involved 8 zoom calls a month plus creating quite a bit of content plus interacting with members.
Always Behind
Why has it taken so long for me to focus on my work? I stopped having a heavy teaching schedule 4 months ago.
My body has been on high alert – every day feeling like I owed something to someone. That I’m behind with something.
My normal behavior – look at my calendar and lists for what is due next for my courses and the community. Then get to work doing it as there was always something on the list.
On the rare days when I didn’t have a pending deadline, I felt it was okay to just take a break from it all and relax. I didn’t head to the studio and do my own work.
The Creative Drive Faded
Even though I was thinking how great it would be if I just had that drive to create art that I used to have.
I feared I would never find that drive again.
And then I would procrastinate a bit too long (not making art, not doing the teaching work). Inertia is contagious. Result – I’d be stressed about meeting the next deadline helping other artists with their artwork.
All the while wishing I wanted to work on my own work.
My Time is Now Mine
It has taken me months to not feel stressed – constantly feeling behind, feeling like my first priority had to be teaching as that is what paid most of the bills.
While I still have some paid teaching work, every 5 out of 7 days a week I don’t have any work or deadlines.
Logically I knew this, but I just could not unwind the stress. I would have a feeling as if I were cheating or letting someone down if I went to my studio.
Happily the last few weeks I’ve been able to overcome most of these feelings and have been making progress in my studio
The Drive to Create is Returning
My new mantras are helping that along. “I am caught up. My time is mine. Priority #1 – my work – my art.” I read them multiple times a day.
I’m now prioritizing my own work. And yes – that drive to create art is returning.
It’s still a fairly quiet voice. I have to really honor it to feed and grow it.
Feeding the Creative Drive
How do I do that?
- Be silent more often. Put down the phone. Do not doom scroll.
- Write more – it is in writing I can clarify what I’m thinking and feeling. Those murky nebulous thoughts become more solid.
- Walk more – moving my body gives me the strength to make the art.
- Clear out the studio – all that stuff appearing in the corners is not conducive to creating.
- Go to the studio daily even if I don’t hear the voice. It is through creating the desire to create happens.
Structures #11 – #14
These blog posts, and my social media activity, are part of what I am making time for.
And so I continue with my review of my Structures Series.
Lisa Call
Structures #11 (2002)
47×72 inches (119×183 cm)
fabric, dye, thread, cotton
It’s a larger work exploring the spaces between the bricks. I remember enjoying how much room there was to let things stretch out – It made me want to do even larger work. I love the feeling of glowing from within.
This piece was accepted into Quilt National 2005 and was published on the cover of the exhibition catalog.
Quilt National is one of the most respected juried exhibitions in contemporary quilt art and has played a major role in shaping, legitimizing, and advancing quilts as a serious form of contemporary art for decades.
It was an incredible honor and so incredibly exciting to be included in this exhibition.
In total 4 pieces from this series have been included in Quilt National Exhibitions
Day 11 of 200
Lisa Call
Structures #12 (2002)
31×21 inches (79×53 cm)
fabric, dye, thread, cotton
Like Structures #6, this piece is really about movement. Small units stack and shift, creating a kind of energy that keeps your eye moving around the surface.
Here, lime green takes on the role turquoise played earlier. It nudges your attention from place to place without taking over. The fence shape is there, but it stays quiet.
What matters most to me here is how the colors interact and how that interaction creates rhythm.
Day 12 of 200
Lisa Call
Structures #13 (2005)
35×44 inches (89×112 cm)
fabric, dye, thread, cotton
This is one of the few pieces where the motif overlaps.
When the shapes cross, they create enclosed spaces, which changes how the piece feels. It’s still familiar territory, just approached from a slightly different angle.
The structure becomes less open and a bit more inward. Just as my thoughts about what the series was about was shifting from physical walls and fences to our inner life and thoughts about how we use emotional walls to keep people away.
Ultimately I didn’t continue down this visual path – it has always been on the back of my mind to see where this might lead.
Day 13 of 200
Lisa Call
Structures #14 (2003)
29×35 inches (74×89 cm)
fabric, dye, thread, cotton
The colors in this textile art came from a photo of popsicles I cut out of a magazine. I kept that image on my wall for years before finally using it.
I wasn’t interested in copying it exactly. It was more about the feeling of those colors together and how refreshing it felt.
Here, the palette brings some lightness into the work, while the structure remains the same. Fences and boundaries: I’m still thinking about these things.
Day 14 of 200